She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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