yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
