What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
