Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
