I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
