this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
