I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
