I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
