so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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