i barfeds in our rink
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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