shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize