remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
