I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
