Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
