my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
