I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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