My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
