i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize