i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
