why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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