It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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