dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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