The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
