Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
