We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
