Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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