He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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