Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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