explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
