I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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