MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
