Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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