9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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