Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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