if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
