Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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