You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
