and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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