No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
