We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
