it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
