Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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