Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
