is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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