Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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