There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
