So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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