You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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