woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
