My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
