At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
