i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize