dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
