You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is my life. Enjoy the view
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
