I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
