Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
