I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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