how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
