We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
