I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
