I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
