Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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