Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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