Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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