I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
