This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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