Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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