So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
