I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
