so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
