dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
