You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize