she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
