I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
