you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
