to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize