If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize