He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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